Updated - 31 Dec, 2009: As per below, I’m still thankful but the very last few days of 2009 have made me resolute to get rid of some bad habits in life. For me, that includes certain individuals whom I’ve had pretty good rides with… but is toxic to me for the long run & as such, have to go. As sorry as I am to have to make that decision, it’s the best for the long run & as ironic as it is, the only way to salvage what we had in order for us to still retain the relationship.

In any case, it has been quite a ride & I thank 2009 for all its blessings, lessons & hopes. Bring on 2010!

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8 Dec, 2009

As the year draws to a close, I can’t help but feel reflective of the year that has been. As I read through some of my old writings as well as the images I have accumulated thus far on this continuous journey of light & words, the need to just grab my camera & go photowalking somewhere becomes even stronger still… and that should explain my mounting guilt of having Bloopy sitting there alone day after day since my last trip in Oct.

Some of that is because there is no one to go photowalking with me, the rest is simply wondering where else to go when the footsteps have already threaded so many places. Mostly, it’s the people bit that gets to me… despite my very high level of comfortableness in doing stuff/shooting alone.

Granted, changes are inevitable. Schedules change. People change.

And that’s life.

I need more spontaneity in my life, especially in the last 2 months where I’ve come to make some rather major decisions for my life & I’m starting to feel the acute lack of shooting getting to me.

What happened to those days where I can just grab my camera & head off to shoot some frames, get lost in it all? It has always been my therapy, my refuge… and right now, despite reading/seeing/talking about it every day, I’ve not been able to just take off & just… take photos. Granted, it has been a rather hectic 2 months but I’m worried that I’ve lost the spark, I really am.

As I looked through those images from all my journeys so far, I still remember how I felt at that point in time when capturing them, it becomes a stark reminder that we don’t really have that many shots at things (literally!) - good times with mates become scarcer, the naiviety we held during that time is perhaps dashed by the harsh reality of life or its just a matter of what grips people who practices their craft every single day - you kinda become jaded. When you can only capture those moment THEN, it is up to you whether to seize the moment & make the most out of it; or to lament how it wasn’t good enough to capture anyway.

Reading about what pushes us to further our craft & why we should also shoot things that we normally wouldn’t recently has got me wondering how would I feel about my images from before. Would I chuck em out or would there be some gems that’d remain resonating throughout time & more honed eyes?

So, I will be taking up the challenge to very brutally selected a total of 100 images out of the thousands that has been documenting my life & telling stories on my behalf before the end of 2009 - I still haven’t decided what to do with them yet - it might get printed as part of my posties project, it might get put into an album, a post here, printed & sent to people who have inspired me…. the possibilities are endless. But going through the quality control process is something that I’d like to do, if only just to see how far I’ve come & how far more I still need to push to improve.

Anyway, about giving thanks…

I can still vividly remember how I felt in end 2008, where I had to contend with the insurmountable confusion that surrounded the demise of what we had… The first instinctive reaction was to turn to what I love most & what defines me as a person.

Photography + travel.

In my world where everything and/or everyone changes, those are the two things that remained my faithful love. A passion so consuming and two things that allowed me to be truly comfortable in being alone. I had to seek that sense of renewal, the affirmation that I am still alive, that I am still capable of loving & being consumed by it.

In short, I needed to feel that I’m still alive.

So I set out on a journey to a foreign land hoping to seek answers, only to realise that answers will only come to you when the time is right. In between journeys up mountain & floating down rivers, feeling the explosion of cultures & being calmed by the gentle spirit of the people… I realised a lot, so much that despite being more well-travelled than a lot of people, I still found the revelations humbling & they remind me why I love travelling alone so much.

Most of all, it reminded me of how lucky I already am.

So a year had passed, and 2009 has been wonderful & challenging at the same time. A year which not only brought me closer to my craft, but also to some amazing individuals which shares that same love for it. I learnt how to grab the bull by its horns & not let fear paralyze me. I’ve learnt how to listen to my heart & say no to what the head thinks is right. I learnt how to deal with loss, and that grief is just like those answers I was seeking before - it comes to you when you least expect it & you just have to learn how to let it wash over you.

Resistance is futile.

Impatience is futile.

There are many things which you just have to let it happen, and the message will finally present itself. To quote my bestie  - we just have to ride it out. Tackle it head-on & see what comes out of it.

This year brought plenty of occasions which forces me to ask myself some very honest and often, difficult questions, I’m thankful for:

- the opportunities to have honest conversations with myself
- to be able to see life through the lens
- to be given the chance to see life through other people’s lenses as well
- to get the chance to ask myself what is it that I truly want
- to have the luxury to decide what I would/would not settle for
- to cry/waver and yet still have people there with me every single step of the way
- for being so loved & accepted
- for learning how to be happy with the simplest of things in life
- for being blessed with health despite the constant pushing of boundaries I put my body through
- for being able to have my closest friends reaffirm what we have despite only having rare quality time when we can
- most of all, for being believed in by some even on days where I don’t believe in myself.

What are you, if not for the people around you?

And for that, I am immensely thankful as the year draws to a close and I have these wonderful peeps with me as we head into a new year :)

What are you thankful for?

Yes, I’ve pulled the MIA stunt again for a bit. Since the last post, I’ve turned 26 & tons have happened. One thing 2009 brought upon was a heck lot of travelling.

When I kaypoh-ed and checked out my horoscope for the year (my bestie is my source of clairvoyancy), it said I will be doing a lot of travelling, I just brushed it off as ‘things people gab when writing horoscope predictions’.

Little did I know I will be on the road this much, and a lot of it unexpected as well.

A little recap (you know it is too much when you struggle to recall where you’ve been when you meet up with old friends) of my globetrotting journey thus far for 2009:

- April: Hong Kong (eternally grateful that I got to see my aunt in her great cheerful spirits despite the 2 brain surgeries she had just a month before)
- July: UK (bro’s graduation & some quality time with the family up in the Lakes District & seeing friends in London)
- Aug: Hong Kong (to bid eternal farewell to my aunt & reinforcing our already close family ties via grief)
- Sep: Bali (first ever overseas wedding shoot with Anna-Rina, first hand experience of the satisfaction that comes along with bringing and capturing joy of the happiest day of Russ & Jess’ lives!)
- Oct: Melbourne (the wonderful wedding of Deb & Will, a lovely reminiscing trip meeting up with my Aussie buddies AND meeting Jerry Ghionis!)
- Nov: Singapore (super brief trip to catch up with Ian & Andrew, all in a day’s driving!)

Now being a globetrotter is nothing new (a glimpse into my Flickr & you’ll get what I mean - I’ve been doing this for a while now), but as with all journeys there are many revelations that come along with it as well.

One such realization is where you feel most at home at, and the second part of that equation is the PEOPLE that are back there.

The ones waiting for you, being there for you, have fun with you, encourage & support you, believing in you and most of all, loving you.

I have immensely blessed in so many ways to have so many wonderful & positive individuals around me all my life, but this year as I go through challenges & changes of many kinds, I realised that even if I lose everything material overnight like say, tomorrow, I’m still so lucky in many ways.

It is also when I realised as we get older, and when people move on with their own lives that simple little things like celebrating birthdays or anniversaries together become increasingly difficult. The sudden shock came when I missed my bestie’s birthday because I was away in Bali for a shoot - one might say ‘ah well it doesn’t matter, you’d be home a day after anyway’… but when it dawned on me that for next year’s birthday, he very well would not even be in the same country as I am, it pained me so.

And the same applies for each and every one of the birthdays of my other bestie in Melb. We see each other once a year, or twice (if we’re lucky, like this year!) & when we get together, my my :D And anyone that says they’re busy & haven’t got time to catch up with their buds should take leafs from our books - we’re two of the busiest persons you’d ever meet & yet we find time to chat on Skype when we can. So, please… no excuses :P

But the wonderful thing about these kinda friendships is despite the distance, or rather, timing; is that over & over again it made me realise that despite us not being able to be ‘together’ to celebrate, our friendship & trust is so strong that regardless what happens, we are there for each other and that in itself means more than the world to me.

So this year, with its many upheavals & challenges, I’m thankful I got to celebrate yet another wonderful year with so many amazing individuals & being so loved in many ways :D

I honestly, could.not.ask.for.more.

So to all you peeps out there that laments in not being able to be ‘together’ as much as you like, cherish in those memories & bond of those not physically around you, for it transcends being together but not connecting.

I am thankful :)

It doesn’t mean more than to be able to celebrate in one of the most joyous occasions of an old friend… and Debbie & I go back to a loooooooong way (primary -> high school -> Uni). Always active in extracurricular activities, we had many good times in high school & Uni together and needless to say, we have gone through quite a fair bit in those years. A natural leader & an all rounded athlete, Debs was one girl who’s super focused on getting what she wants in life, career & all.

So when I heard that she’s getting married it got me all curious to who is the lucky guy.

When I finally met William this April, it became very clear that they are both perfect for each other & when the happiness is so apparent, it is contagious :) Deb & Will met during badminton at the insistence of a friend (way to go, Elton!) and the rest as they say, is history.

So that night in April, all it took was one night of reminscing about Melbourne, next thing I know I was booking a flight back to Melbourne for their wedding & a week of being back at my second homeground to not just share the joyous occasion of hosting the wedding, but also to catch up with my Melbie mates!

It was also an occasion where I realised, as a photographer, this is one where you’re thankful you’re not on official assignment to cover the wedding. Despite my love to shoot, I was very thankful that I got to savour & share the happy moments of the wedding instead of having to carry out the immense duty of documenting the day. Having said that, of course I wouldn’t have gone away without shooting some frames :)

From the tea ceremony in Docklands to the gorgeous garden reception at Morning Star Estate in Mt Eliza, Deb & Will’s spring dream wedding was perfect! The vineyard is right next to Port Philip Bay, down in Mornington & the views were breathtaking! Most importantly, the weather was on our side (the forecast was rain!) & it turned out to be perfect in everyway :) Here are some of my fave shots of the day:

We were thoroughly blessed by the weather gods :)

Jakun me thought these were eye colour palettes! Turns out they are hair curlers -_-

The make up artistes working their magic

Shiow, one of the bridesmaid getting prettied up :)

KerHui, the other bridesmaid with her facepaint on! :P

Tools of the trade (and yes I’m so lovin’ the wall metal decor!)

Deb’s aunt happily documenting the processes!

I just love how fabulous the bridesmaids’ dresses looked!

Getting ready

I absolutely love a woman with curlers in her hair!

Can anyone say haaaaaawt bridesmaid?

Haaaaaaawt bridesmaid #2

Being the super organized couple they are, there’s a schedule for the morning!

Don’t you just love that simple & elegant ring? And I’m so lovin’ the colours of the traditional ‘kuar’!

One of my fave shots of the day :)

Some of the best views of Docklands. Jerry Ghionis‘ studio is just down there!

Part of the ‘punishment’ games - honey!

Counting the ‘toll money’ before opening the door to groom party

Will emerging victorious, haha!

The bros take a few for the groom - grapes & push-up!

Then there were some poetry…

And some singing…

Finally getting to the bride - this has to be one of my fave shots of the day :)

Finally, after all that hardwork… big smiles!

It’s Chinese customs for elders to give the couple gifts, often in form of jewellery

Dragon-pheonix bangle are typical wedding gift to the bride

Shuuuuper cuteeee bub!

The girls all smiles!

Lovin’ the simple bridal bouquets - simplicity rocks!

Then it was unto Morning Star Estate, Mt Eliza in Mornington. A beautiful vinery by the sea!

Gorgeous day at a gorgeous venue = WIN!

I love classic, elegant rings and Deb has such beautiful long slender fingers too!

Deb’s wedding dress was of beautiful vintage corset style

Just love the details!

Lovin’ the hairpiece as well!

Reflections

Look how gorgeous Deb is!

It was not exactly the easiest dress to wear, thank god for awesome bridesmaids!

And off we go!

I just love love love the light!

Polaroids for the guest book - can you spot me? :P

A wedding cake made out of profiteroles - yummy!

This was where I enjoyed the moments of not shooting - the garden ceremony was absolutely beautiful & it was unto the dinner reception in the evening. It was a lot of fun & thanks for having me host the evening, Deb & Will. Big congratulations again on your union & to many happy years ahead!

A random post, just to remember how great it is to have simple things in life :)

I’m just gonna be thankful that I get to laze & read in bed, chillax a little & have such great friends & family to come home to.

This Friday evening constituted of….

Ikea meatballs FTW!

Coffee & books, super FTW! Thanks Onn for the cuppa ^_^

Yoon Onn: You want ALL of these? o_O

Yes, that’s my books wishlist for the moment :P

Tanjobi o omedeto! Today is Sue’s birthday :)

Happy birthday dear :) As long as we get to celebrate together these days, the prezzies & cake matter no more.

Revel in the small things of life, and you’d be instantly happier. Have a good weekend peeps!